I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
