you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
