I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
