Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
