I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She said her name was "party"
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
