I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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