So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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