I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
