you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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