I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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