I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
