I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
