Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
