I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
