I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
