I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
