Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
