Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
How's work?
Spinning.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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