we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i out mim tonsoeep
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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