sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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