I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
