i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
