Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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