and she was petting her beer can
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
