so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
