My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
