so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
