Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
