Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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