oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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