I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
