Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
