she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
