Are we in a gay sports bar?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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