Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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