You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
