The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
