I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm too high and old for this...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
