I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
