So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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