it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
