just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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