you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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