Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
