If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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