Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He passed out mid-signature
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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