So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
this is an emotional support booty call
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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