I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
