It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
