last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
