some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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