Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
