So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
