I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
