well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
